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Monthly Archives: March 2012

Old traumas can be healed in a moment

As adults we can carry our old wounds; our old traumas, with us all the way from childhood, and not have any consciousness about them whatsoever. As an example, I would like to share a true story with you.

Just a couple of weeks ago I was having a very late night – or I should probably say, a very early morning, due to the fact that I ate half a bar of rich organic chocolate that was full of crushed coffee beans. I don’t do caffeine very well, so my body was buzzing with energy. After watching a movie and spending some loving time with my beautiful wife, and then reading a book for an hour or so, I was still wide awake. It was now about 2.30am.

As I lay on my back resting on my bed trying, but not succeeding, in going to sleep, I was aware that my left arm was hanging off the side of the bed. In fact it was not my whole arm, just my left elbow. Ordinarily I would have pulled my elbow back in, as I have always, for as long as I can remember, never allowed my elbow to hang over the side of the bed, not even one inch. In fact if my elbow was anywhere even close to the edge of the bed, I would pull it in. This was only true for my left elbow, and not my right elbow. This was something that I did mostly unconsciously, although Arleen and I often laughed about it when we noticed it happening.

Well, to continue the story, I was on my back with my left elbow off the bed and I consciously decided to leave it there and get a sense of what it was that was so frightening for me, as it was fear that always crept in to make me move my elbow to a place of  ‘safety’. So I did just that. I left it there and focused on it. I began to sweat a little and I felt the trauma rising. It hit me fast. I was taken back to a time when I was about nine or ten years old.

I was in a rubber dinghy with two friends, Robert and David, and we were floating down a river. It was in the depths of winter and was cold. We were fully dressed, with trousers and shirts, socks and shoes, and I think jumpers. We had been paddling and floating down the river for quite some time, perhaps an hour or more, when suddenly we rounded a corner in the river and saw a barbed-wire fence stretched across the river in front of us. There were about four or five stands of wire and they were low and close to the water.

As we reached the barbed-wire fence, somehow we capsized, and we all ended up in the freezing water.

What I realized in that moment, as I lay on my bed with my elbow on the edge of the bed, was that the bed represented the rubber dinghy and my elbow had been the first thing to touch the cold water before I was plunged under. It had stored the trauma of that incident for about 40 years. As I let the trauma unfold into the story, I felt the release. It felt wonderful. It felt very freeing. I can now sleep with my elbow sticking off the side of the bed with no trauma whatsoever.

It was a great experience and has given me food for thought on some of the other ‘ phobias’ that I have. This is what I have chosen to call them, much to the humour and delight of Arleen.

That was the story of how Little Adrian’s rubber dinghy trauma was released by Master Adrian on coffee chocolate night. I am sure there are many old trauma’s ‘stuck’ in our being that we have no consciousness of, and that we could release if we spend a few moments to contemplate and work with them. What a wonderful thing it was to do, to release that old trauma … aaaahhhhhh!

This week’s cake recipe is for a dozen Corn and Honey cakes.

Ingredients: 3 eggs, 150 grams butter, 200 grams of sugar, 3 tablespoons of honey, 200 grams of yellow corn (maize) flour, 200 grams self raising white flour, 1 teaspoon salt, one teaspoon of powdered nutmeg, 1 teaspoon of powdered cinnamon, 3 teaspoons of baking powder.

Method: Mix the eggs, sugar and butter together until well mixed. add the honey and mix in well. Add all the other ingredients and mix in well for a couple of minutes with hand whisk. Spoon mixture into well buttered muffin tray (12 X) and bake in the oven for about 15 minutes on a moderately hot temperature of about 180 degrees. Leave to cool for 5 minutes and then turn them out onto a wire rack. Eat whilst warm if you can. Can be re-heated for 5 minutes in the oven the next day.

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Empowering Men

Last weekend I had the honour and the privilege of facilitating a one day ‘men’s workshop’ out in the realms of nature with three men. I call these workshops ‘Empowering Men’. The essence of this men’s work is to explore and discover how to bring the ‘Man’ more fully into our lives and how to leave the boy in the place he belongs; in boyhood.

Master Adrian was at the fore as the facilitator and Little Adrian was safely tucked away out of harms way. I find that when I am in my mastery, in my power, Little Adrian has no chance of being present or taking over.

Learning how to stand in our power and in our essence of manhood is quite a journey. Learning how to deal with the child, the adolescent and/or the younger ‘men’ that reside in our being, takes some effort, courage and discipline. These ‘other selves’ have been around for a long time and know many tricks and ways to take over and be the decision maker; the one in control. They usually act from a place of fear, doubt, anger, reaction or projection or from a place of some deep wound or challenging or negative experience.

What does it take for us to become, and make decisions from, our current aged self – from the man ? In in my case, from the 48 year old man.

It takes a lot – that’s what it takes. It takes a lot of deep inner work and a lot of wrestling with our old habits and beliefs, pains and hurts, wounds and life experiences. It takes a discipline to ‘go there’ and be honest and truthful with ourselves and it takes a lot of courage to share this with other men.

In the group last week that shared the day together out in the realms of nature; out in the bush, we shared some of our stories, insights and feelings. We shared a day together to support and encourage each other to ‘go there’ and step up, and into, being a more empowered and better man. We found a place of giving and receiving, listening and speaking, feeling and thinking and a place of commonality, in that we are all on a journey of growth.

Seeing men step up into this work and challenging themselves to walk a better life is an honour and such a rewarding part of my work. As I witness each man committing to a deeper, more real and honest journey for himself, I feel that there is a real community of men being formed. I feel that if we, as men, learn to live out of our power; out of our ‘man energy’, rather than from the frightened, scared, wounded, lonely or poor me, ‘boy energy’, life would be very different for us and for our partners, our families and our communities. If we can all learn to live from a deeper conscious, aware and responsible place – wow – what a world it would be.

Image the world being run by men and not by boys or adolescents pretending to be men. Imagine men coming from a place of response, rather than reaction, love instead of hatred, clarity rather than doubt, courage rather than fear and from their core being rather than their ego. This is a great reason to step in and do this work, and the more men that do it, the better the world will be for it.

I want to honour and congratulate the men that have already stepped up and I would like to encourage and support other men to do the same. Stepping up and into our manhood is a powerful thing to do and when we do it we can make more informed, more conscious and more powerful decisions that benefit everyone.

And to celebrate the empowering of men – here is a Lemon Twist Chocolate Cake.

Ingredients: 400 grams of self raising flour, 3 heaped tablespoons of cocoa powder, 200 grams of brown sugar, 200 grams of butter, 3 eggs, 100 mililitres of milk, 3 tablespoons of lemon juice.

Method: Mix the eggs, sugar, butter and lemon juice in a bowl (by hand for 4+ minutes or with a mixer for about 2) and then add and mix in the milk until well mixed. Slowly add the flour and cocoa powder mix it in well. Put the mixture into a greased/buttered cake tin (round tin 25cm’s in diameter) and bake for approximately 35 – 40 minutes with oven temperature at 170-180C . Let the cake cool in the tin for 5 minutes and then turn out onto a cake rack to cool.

Hot tip: Before putting the mixture into the cake tin, line the inside with butter using the butter paper and then add a small amount of flour and then move and tap the tin in a circular fashion so that the flout sticks to all of the butter in the tin. This will make it easier for the cake to come out of the tin after it is baked.

Being in one’s ‘Man Power’

This week I have been thinking about Man Power. I have been contemplating what it is to be in my power as a man.

Being focused, conscious of my thoughts feelings and actions, and being aware of when I am not fully present is an ongoing challenge that I set for myself. It is, for me, part of what personal development is all about. It is about taking the responsibility to work on these attributes and to bring them into my daily life. Standing more fully in my Man Power is what I aim to do each day.

I have many male adult friends ranging from their early twenties through to their mid seventies. Each one of them is on their journey through man-hood, and each one displays different areas and levels of maturity, common sense, responsibility, morality, wisdom, kindness, intelligence, empathy and presence.

What I have come to experience, see and understand, is that it is not the physical age of men (or women) that determine whether or not people carry out these positive qualities in their life, but rather, it is the mental, emotional and spiritual growth and development that determines it. I know young men in their twenties who, from my perspective anyway, have much more maturity, common sense, responsibility, morality, wisdom, kindness, intelligence, empathy and presence, than some 40, 50 and 60 year old’s that I know.

Being in one’s Man Power, for me, is all about learning and working with our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects and bringing them all into play; bringing them all into a higher, or greater part of our lives. Seeing men at 40, 50 or even 60, falling over drunk or fighting or abusing others is not what I would call being in one’s Man Power. As men, as a community and as a wider, more collective human species, what is it that drives us to stay out of this Power? What is it that drives us to these negative, deliberating (for ourselves and others), unhealthy and often harmful acts?

These questions sit with me as I watch, listen, and sometimes work with men, who are trying hard to change their lifestyle to something that they understand and know to be a better way to expand their physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. I also ask this question because I also witness many, many men who do not seem to be trying to do this.

I believe that the old wounds,  lack of education, guidance and support, has a lot to do with this. Where are the men in the community who can stand tall and guide and support other men to step up and stand in their Man Power?

If I look around me in my own community there really are only a few men that I would count as being sufficiently healthy, wise and worthwhile mentors, guides or elders. Many of the men that I see and experience in my community and in the wider world, are not in the  Man Power category.

This week’s writing is a role over from last weeks blog – where I asked the question – ‘When can we truly claim to be men?’

I leave you to ponder your own power and to ask yourself where you are on the journey of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual growth and development?

This week’s cake is a Rich Orange Cake. It is especially for developing our taste buds!

Ingredients: 400 grams of self raising flour, 8 tablespoons of honey, 3 oranges, 200 grams of butter, 4 eggs, teaspoon of ground nutmeg, 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon powder.

Method: Mix the butter and sugar together, add honey and juice from the 3 oranges, beat in the 4 eggs and mix well. Grate the rind from the  oranges and add to mixture. Add the nutmeg and cinnamon and the flour and mix well for 1-2 minutes.

Place mixture in a well greased/buttered tin. I use a round 25cm tin

Bake for approx 30 – 40 minutes at 160 degrees. Eat whilst warm as it is or with a bit of vanilla ice cream – YUM!

Picture is coming later- cake is in the oven!