This week I would like to say something on males becoming men – or to be more exact – about men not acting like boys; men not acting like adolescents. Having fun and being with our mates is one thing – behaving like young adolescents when we are in our 30s, 40’s, 50′ or even 60’s is quite another thing. I often hear from women that I know, that they would love for their men to ‘grow up’. When we, as men, stay stuck in our boyhood or adolescent behaviours it is generally a turn off for women; at least for those women who have moved on and entered their space of being a woman. One of the common things that women bring to the couples sessions that I facilitate is their frustration of not having a ‘man’ beside them; not having a man present in the relationship. I know that in my own relationships this has been an issue and I have worked hard to change this (with a very good, but not a 100% degree of success). It is work in progress.
Our journey, as males, from adolescence to manhood is not just a physical one; we have to also mature and grow with our emotions and our feelings and our communication skills. Learning to do this and having the desire and the will to do this can be a challenge; especially if we are heavily invested in behaving like an adolescent. What growing up generally means is, we take on more responsibility and awareness for our thoughts, feelings and actions and learn how to communicate in a better way.
The world is full of ‘Little Boys’ running businesses, governments and families and it is high time that these positions were taken over by men. One regular observation that I have of this ‘Little Boy’ behaviour is when I watch or listen to the males in Parliament in Canberra, or actually in any other parliament in the world. The communication and the behaviour is some of the most appalling adolescent behaviour that I have witnessed and I have been a youth worker for many years!
When we, as men, learn to behave and act in a way that represents our real age, then perhaps the world will be a better place with less wars, poverty, crime, greed, damage and have lots more conscious and peaceful leaders. If we had better role models perhaps we would get better followers and supporters for these leaders. As men, what can we do to become good role models for our boys and adolescents and for other men? What can we do Right Now in our lives to up the ante and change some of our boyish behaviours and actions?
One thing that we could all learn to do, is to become more conscious of how we think, feel and act in the world. We could learn to communicate in better ways and learn to be more present. If we all take the steps to do this, then the ripple effect would soon become a wave and one day become the norm. A big dream – yes – Is it possible? – yes, I believe that it is.
This week I have stepped back into facilitating men’s circles after an eight month break and it feels great to be doing it again. This is one of my contributions to help support myself and other men to move on, step up and step into being a more consciously aware man. In this work I get to look at my own way of being and also support other men to see theirs. Together we can work together as a community of good men and become role models for others. It is very empowering and wonderful work and I take my hat off to the men who find the courage to do it.
The cake recipe this week is for a Chocolate Banana cake.
Wherever possible I use organic ingredients.
Recipe: 3 eggs, 200 grams of sugar, 200 grams of butter, 5 bananas – chopped, 400 grams of self-raising flour, 1/2 cup of milk, 2 teaspoons of nutmeg, 1 teaspoon of cinnamon, 1 teaspoon of vanilla essence, 50 grams of grated chocolate.
Method: Melt the butter and allow to cool. Mix the eggs, sugar, nutmeg, cinnamon, vanilla essence and milk in a bowl for one minute. Add the cooled butter and mix in well for one minute. Add the flour and grated chocolate and mix for about two minutes.
Place the mixture into a lined buttered/greased cake tin – I use a round 25cm tin. Bake for 30-40 minutes at approx 190C. I generally cover the cake for the last 10 minutes with a pizza tray if the cake is browning to fast.