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Monthly Archives: July 2012

Males becoming Men …

This week I would like to say something on males becoming men – or to be more exact – about men not acting like boys; men not acting like adolescents. Having fun and being with our mates is one thing – behaving like young adolescents when we are in our 30s, 40’s, 50′ or even 60’s is quite another thing. I often hear from women that I know, that they would love for their men to ‘grow up’. When we, as men, stay stuck in our boyhood or adolescent behaviours it is generally a turn off for women; at least for those women who have moved on and entered their space of being a woman. One of the common things that women bring to the couples sessions that I facilitate is their frustration of not having a ‘man’ beside them; not having a man present in the relationship. I know that in my own relationships this has been an issue and I have worked hard to change this (with a very good, but not a 100% degree of success). It is work in progress.

Our journey, as males, from adolescence to manhood is not just a physical one; we have to also mature and grow with our emotions and our feelings and our communication skills. Learning to do this and having the desire and the will to do this can be a challenge; especially if we are heavily invested in behaving like an adolescent. What growing up generally means is, we take on more responsibility and awareness for our thoughts, feelings and actions and learn how to communicate in a better way.

The world is full of ‘Little Boys’ running businesses, governments and families and it is high time that these positions were taken over by men. One regular observation that I have of this ‘Little Boy’ behaviour is when I watch or listen to the males in Parliament in Canberra, or actually  in any other parliament in the world. The communication and the behaviour is some of the most appalling adolescent behaviour that I have witnessed and I have been a youth worker for many years!

When we, as men, learn to behave and act in a way that represents our real age, then perhaps the world will be a better place with less wars, poverty, crime, greed, damage and have lots more conscious and peaceful leaders. If we had better role models perhaps we would get better followers and supporters for these leaders. As men, what can we do to become good role models for our boys and adolescents and for other men? What can we do Right Now in our lives to up the ante and change some of our boyish behaviours and actions?

One thing that we could all learn to do, is to become more conscious of how we think, feel and act in the world. We could learn to communicate in better ways and learn to be more present. If we all take the steps to do this, then the ripple effect would soon become a wave and one day become the norm. A big dream – yes – Is it possible? – yes, I believe that it is.

This week I have stepped back into facilitating men’s circles after an eight month break and it feels great to be doing it again. This is one of my contributions to help support myself and other men to move on, step up and step into being a more consciously aware man. In this work I get to look at my own way of being and also support other men to see theirs. Together we can work together as a community of good men and become role models for others. It is very empowering and wonderful work and I take my hat off to the men who find the courage to do it.

The cake recipe this week is for a Chocolate Banana cake.

Wherever possible I use organic ingredients.

Recipe: 3 eggs, 200 grams of sugar, 200 grams of butter, 5 bananas – chopped, 400 grams of self-raising flour, 1/2 cup of milk, 2 teaspoons of nutmeg, 1 teaspoon of cinnamon, 1 teaspoon of vanilla essence, 50 grams of grated chocolate.

Method: Melt the butter and allow to cool. Mix the eggs, sugar, nutmeg, cinnamon, vanilla essence and milk in a bowl for one minute. Add the cooled butter and mix in well for one minute. Add the flour and grated chocolate and mix for about two minutes.

Place the mixture into a lined buttered/greased cake tin – I use a round 25cm tin. Bake for 30-40 minutes at approx 190C. I generally cover the cake for the last 10 minutes with a pizza tray if the cake is browning to fast.

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Calming our ‘inner child’

Little Adrian has been a little bit active this week. He has been poking around inside of my soul and mind, trying to get a stake in the goings on of my present life. This is an ongoing challenge and battle for Master Adrian as he tries to establish and stay in control of  the decisions that he has to make everyday. Having the insight into what is going on with these battles; with these challenges, and having the skills and knowledge  to deal with them, are a god-send. Knowing that I have the ability to quiet and calm, the often scared and confused little boy and let him know that all is well and good and in control is very comforting.

My new personal development and empowerment book (Where am ‘I’ Right Now?) is beginning to take shape ready for final editing and publication and Little Adrian is popping up with many excuses and avoidance tactics to prevent this from happening. He (LA) is scared of this and it takes Master Adrian (MA) quite a bit of time and energy to settle things down. The fear of ridicule, rejection, criticism, being corrected, fame, great wealth and a myriad of other things, come to the surface and have to be quelled and calmed and transformed into more positive thoughts and beliefs.

As the battles rage, or take place in more subtle or sometimes more seemingly clandestine ways, I become more alert and can then decide on what course of action to take. For me, there are always two choices: Be led by Little Adrian or by Master Adrian. Each one will have a different outcome depending on the course of action that I take. Generally the Master Adrian options lead me to more self-empowerment and better results and it is this choice that I generally like to take. However, on occasions, where I ‘choose’ to follow Little Adrian, I lose my power and the results are generally not so positive. Although the results may be less positive if I follow LA’s instructions, he does then feel safer when I follow his lead, and this is, of course, why he tries to lead me to do what he wants in the first place. This is the whole point – Little Adrian is scared! often the lack of action through fear or doubt feels good – safer, because it is – for the little ones inside. However, this does not usually help us in moving on.

When we learn to deal with the little ones inside and let them know that it is safe and under control, we can generally get on with our tasks. When we start to stretch ourselves and to do new and more challenging things – like writing and publishing a book – then the little ones usually pop up with something to say. Quite often they are saying : “I am scared” – “This is not safe” – “I feel as if I am about to be hurt/punished/ridiculed/rejected” – “Get me out of here”.

When we learn how to turn to our ‘inner child/ren’ or younger aspects of ourselves, we can use these opportunities to grow and become more present and in control of our lives. This is a wonderful tool to have and can help us to become more of the amazing powerful beings that we know we can be.

And on that note, I will give you another amazing cake recipe:

This recipe is for a Rich Chocolate Cake

Recipe: 3 eggs, 150 grams of butter, 200 grams of sugar, juice from one orange, 1 cup of milk, 50 grams of cocoa powder, 50 grams of chocolate (I use Lindt Orange Intense chocolate), 400 grams of self-raising flour

Icing: 100 grams of sifted icing sugar, 50 grams of cocoa powder, 100 grams of butter, a few drops of vanilla essence

Method: Melt the butter and chocolate in a pan and leave to cool. Mix the eggs and sugar and milk together with a mixer for 30 seconds. Add the orange juice, cooled butter and chocolate and mix for another 30 seconds. Add the flour, cocoa powder and mix for a further two minutes. Put the mixture into a lined/buttered cake tin – I use a 25 cm round tin.

Icing: Mix all the ingredients together with a fork until smooth.

Baking time: Bake in a moderate oven – about 190 C for approximately 30 minutes. Leave to cool and then add icing on top.